Phone Chat Tip #4 – Be Spontaneous

Often, if you ask a man or woman to list the traits they are looking for in a potential partner, they will include "spontaneity" in their list, right after "a good sense of humor" and "being trustworthy". Many of us are dismayed when we hear this word—after all, who has time for spontaneity? We're busy. We work to make a living and at the end of a long week, we don't really feel like driving for hours on a whim to see a concert or go on a backcountry adventure through the woods. No, most of us want to kick back and relax with a beer or a glass of wine and watch a good movie!

The good news: dropping everything to go on unplanned adventures and having seemingly unending stores of energy, isn't really what people mean when they say they are looking for someone "spontaneous". What they mean is, they are looking for someone who is willing to try new things, who is curious and interested by the world and expresses that interest through thoughtful and unexpected topics of conversation.

Phew. No need to whisk a lady off to Paris on a moment's notice or take a man sky-diving on a first date. Rather, try talking to her about where you want to travel, or talking to him about activities that you would like to try someday. This will tell your conversation partner that you do have a spontaneous bone or two, that you aren't boring, and that you are open to exploring new experiences together.

On that list of desirable traits, "spontaneity" really just means being interesting. So don't be afraid to talk about your life, and listen when the other person is talking about theirs. Tell him or her about the places you've been, your most memorable experiences, the books you've read or want to read, and even the people you've met along the way.

Now that you know what being spontaneous really means, we hope you feel ready to have a "spontaneous" phone chat!

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